What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
