Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
