Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
