I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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