direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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