I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
zippers are such a cool invention
We are two peas in an std pod
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
