hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
