He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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