I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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