That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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