I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I smell like Dick and happiness
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
