Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
