I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
