He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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