My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
