I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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