My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
