The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
