Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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