Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
even my farts smell like vagina
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
