Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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