We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
