dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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