Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think I died a long time ago.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
