You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
