Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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