this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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