dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
