I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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