he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
