I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
