dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
