i need an iv and a liver transplant
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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