On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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