dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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