I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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