dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
