Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
