You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
