I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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