Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
