Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There's always time for handjobs
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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