I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
