Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So drunk its hurt
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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