3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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