pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize