i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I could fuck to npr.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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