The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
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