After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
