i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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