don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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