I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize