my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
