i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
