I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We have started to decorate penises.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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