New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
