I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
