If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
