I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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