so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
