She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
