Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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