I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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