You're so nebulous sometimes
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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