OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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