We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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