hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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