I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
