you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
