return my video game
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
