That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
