She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
