I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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