I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
