Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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