I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
