ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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