just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I need to stop coming to work sober
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
