Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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