Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
