I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
