And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize