mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
