I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
