Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
