Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
