Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
