it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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