watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
