is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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