This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
