good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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