I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
