This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
