all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
