I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize