he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The uberlube is also flammable
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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