I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
