you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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