Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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