i think my mom watched the whole time
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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