Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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