Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
