Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
