I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
