awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
