my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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