the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
