There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
