Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
