Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i came on her dog
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
