I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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