She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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